Which Me by Alexis

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!
Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!
WHAT IS THIS!!
I know I didn’t do this.
Did I? No! I couldn’t have.
It wasn’t me.
Yea- that’s it! But exactly who was it?

It all started when I was walking the cold streets of Central Philadelphia. It had to be about 4:30 in the morning. All I can remember is it being cold, but people were still out. All I seem to remember is feeling light-headed and a little burning in my chest. From what, I have no clue. There were blurred lights all around and horns, and buses, and lights. Flashing lights all around me. Man, these lights were everywhere. That’s the most significant thing I remember from that night. That night, was March 4, and now it is March 19, and I don’t know where I have been for those missing days or what I have been doing. All I know is I didn’t do this. I couldn’t have.
I’m scared. What will I tell the police when they come? They’re gonna start asking questions. Neighbors are going to start asking questions. Then, news reporters are gonna harass me to ask questions. Oh My God! What am I gonna do about this? What can I do?
I’m panicking. I don’t know what to do, and it’s starting to smell badly in here. I woke up to this smell. I hope no one outside this house can smell this. I wonder.
Trash is everywhere, and my home is in disarray. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I keep getting these killer head aches. I have no pain killers around, and the light kills me. Each time I go through one of these paralyzing migraines, I have flashbacks of things unfamiliar to me. Parties, girls, guys, drinks, and the loud poping of guns. I specifically remember a guy named Parla. I can only remember his voice. I don’t know what he looks like. I don’t even know where I knew him from. Although I don’t know who he is, I can tell from the conversations I remember that he has a strong reassuring voice, and he spoke to me as if I were his child. He talks down to me. Maybe he’s my boss. Shouldn’t I be at work? Where are all the phone calls?
I don’t know what’s going on and I can’t stay in this room with this situation all over the place. I’m starting to get one of these terrible headaches again. I can’t take this! I have to lay down in another room. I leave to find that the other parts of my house are fine. I think there was no kind of struggle involved. A bit junky, but fine. There is a mans jacket resting on my couch, but I do not recognize it. Did I know him? I search the pockets for identification, but there’s nothing but a few hundred dollars… and checks! but with no names on them.
This headache is too much for me, so I decide to lay down on the couch beside the mans jacket, and I fall asleep with tears for I do not know what the situation is.

Standing in the door looking down she mumbles.
“You bastard! I knew you were up to no good when we met you. You promised me peace, and equivilence. You promised me that I would never go away. All the while, you were on her side. The two of you were against me the entire time. How could you Parla. Hey, I know how. You befriended us, and left me out to dry. But now, you’re hanging out to dry. All your lies have dried out. And now in the end, sans lies, sans authority, sans her, you can’t put me away. I’ll never really go away. You all try to help her get rid of me. Do any of you think I want to get rid of her? Why do I not get a say in this? This is bullshit! OWWWWW!
Here we go again.”

I woke up and now I was lying on my bedroom floor. Right back where I started. I scream as I run away into the bathroom. I throw up into the toilet, and I cry like a baby. I am so scared. I want help, and I need help, but there are no phones, no television, no computer, no nothing! I look out the window, and I see no one. I only see rows of houses that are all identical.
Help me!!! Help me!!!
I scream, and no one answers. By this point I don’t even care about the trouble I will be in. By this point I would leave, but there are no handles or knobs on my door, and my windows only open about 5 inches. I scream for hours, but no one is there. All this screaming is hurting my head. So I lie down in front of the widow, and I blink until I blink no longer.
“Smart girl”, she says. She’s breaking us out of here. See, I knew I liked her, but how will we do this? Hmm. There is no silverware, nothing to break these windows, and no effin door knobs. What the hell are we doing here? I’m going CRAZY in here. There is no tv, no phone, and no computer. There is no glass, no mirrors, no brushes, combs, there is nothing here that suggests this space is occupied by a human being. There aren’t even any damn pictures on the walls to stare at. What the hell was she thinking when she put us in situation? If she thought she was gonna get rid of me, guess what. She was DEAD wrong. It’s only gonna kill her first. I’m hungry. What’s in the fridge. I’m effin starving.
Hmm. Let’s have a looksie.
Eww..
Nah..
O hell naw..
What’s all this veagan crap. Who eats this shit? Not me, so I think I’ll just dump it all out.
Oh My God! Crackers! I’ll eat about 5 of these a day. Maybe then I’ll survive until we get out of this hell hole. I’ve eaten and taken a luxury shower. There is no bathtub in this house. I walk into the room where it all went down, and I am not phased. Instead, I walk right over the scene, and I get some fresh scrubs out of my drawers, and I slide into my slippers. I check the window out again as I wish I had some cigs. I am so desperate at this point, I decide to pretend I’m smoking as I think of ways to contact this chick. Thanks to my mind enhancing cigarette, I decide to write the girl a letter. I scrimmage through the house, but there are no pens or pencils. So I decide to get one of the markers from the white board by the door with the date on it. I write a message. I know she’ll read it because I crumbled it in my hand. It’s the middle of the night, so I curl up in a ball on the couch, and I fall asleep.
The morning sun beams in through the window. I have no curtains or blinds in this house. I get up from the couch and I see a crumbled piece of paper fall to the floor. I open it slowly, wondering what it is, and it reads:
You bitch!
I hope you’re happy with what you’ve done. Now look at your situation. Sorry, but your dear old Parla stood in my way. And you know the best, that I couldn’t have that. Right? So instead of trying to fight me, you might as well join the fight to get us out of here.
I dropped the paper to the ground as I got a flash back. My dear Parla was a doctor. He was my doctor. He was my friend. Angered, I fell to my knees as I pounded the floor. Why why, why!!!
What was going on? Why couldn't i remember? I felt completely helpless. I had no clue what to do, and i had no clue what was going on. How did this letter get into my hand? who wrote this? And what fight were they talking about? Just then, right after the pounding, my head began to ache. I begged god not to let me pass out. I prayed for him to send me help. I prayed through the headache. Right towards the end, I know god had answered my prayers. Right before I am about to stop, I get a flash back of something.
It is me! And Dr. Parla! We are walking down the street where all the identical houses are lined up with their perfectly placed bricks. We seemed happy. He askes me if i am sure about my decisions and if i am truly ready to complete this research study. I nod, and we continue into one of the houses.
Just then, I hear what sounded like wheels rolling down the street. I get up from my prayer posistion, and I fly to the window. Looking down, I saw a man with his face covered pushing a cart. I go ballistic! I'm calling out to him.
"Sir, Sir, Sir. Excuse me! Mister!"
He doesn't look up. He keeps walking like he doesn't notice me. I droop to the floor. Crying, i scream for him again, but i know he won't help me.
But on the other hand, i know that someone is writing me letters, and i know that someone else is out there. So, i decide to write back before my headache comes back to kill me. I find another piece of paper, and i use the marker with the date. The date now changed to March 20! Now i know that someone is out there. How did my date get changed? Someone had to have come in and changed it for me.
I run to the table, and i write:
I don't know who this is, and i don't know what you want from me, but i would appreciate it ever so specially if i could leave from this place. I don't know what i am doing here, and all i want is to go home. If you could arrange that for me, then my world would be at rest once again. All i want is to go home and be with my loved ones. How do i get out of here? And sadly, i don't understand what has happened to my dear Dr. Parla. All i do understand is that i didn't do it, and i know nothing about it.

I crumble the paper in my hand as I rock back and forh in behind the front door. I was hoping somone would hit me with the door when the came in to change my date. Exhausted, and tired of the pounding in my head, I fall asleep. Hopefully, when I wake up, this will all just be a dream.
Ah hah! She's smarter than I thought. From the looks of this letter, she must be ready to join me and get us out of here. But, once we are on the other side of this place, she won't know what's waiting for her. I pull my self out of the fetal posistion on the floor and I walk over to the couch to plan Alexa's demise. How will I do this? Hmmm... first, i'll get her on my side so we can get out of here, and then i've gotta find a way to rid this body of her.
So, I sit in this dump and think. I can't think because this smell is horrendous. This misery makes me want to scream. And I do, I scream forever. I scream to be let out of this life of suffering, but no one hears me.
Not now! I can't think of things like this. This is all simply mind over matter. It doesn't stink, I'm not lonely, and I'm not crazy. Right now, I am a mastermind. Right now, I am on top of it all.
I swear, this mentallity is one of a kind. I'm a brilliant mastermind. I've got the plan. Especially, since I'll be making it in the end.
I decide to write her back. This time I write things a little nicer. It takes me all day to come up with my brilliant plan, and transfer it into my letter. The sun is down, so I place the letter on my chest and i fall asleep.

I wake up to the brightened sun and I feel refreshed. There is another letter on my chest. This time it reads:
Hey, this is a friend. I am your only hope of getting out of here. Every day your date will be changed and every week their will be new food in your kitchen and there is ALWAYS toilet paper. Did you ever wonder how? Well, there are cameras in your livingroom and kitchen. No private areas. But this allows them to watch you. Like the other day, when you tried to fall asleep in the doorway, they saw that and they knew not to come in your room that night. That's why your date wasn't changed. I know this time is very hard for you, and I understand that you are confused, but you're gonna have to work with me if you wanna make it outta her alive. You might not remember much but your name is Alexa Baxter. My name is Alana. We used to be friends, I've known you all my life, but when highschool started, you forgot all about me. But in a lighter sense, I want you to get out of here. I know you might have MANY questions, but i promise you answers once you get on the other side of those gates down the road out your window. I need you to cooperate and do EVERYTHING i tell you. Okay? Tonight, be sure to not open your room door and fall asleep somewhere AWAY from the door. Incase you didn't know, you wanted to be here.
I am stunned silent. I don't understand ANYTHING. I feel another headache coming on, and i know that i will soon pass out, so i say some prayers and i curl up on the floor as far away from the door as possible. I am at peace when i am sleeping.
I awake with a smile on my face. It is day time and I'm finally awake again. This time i see Alexa followed the rules because I walk from the back of the house to the front door. The date is not yet changed so i know that i still have time. I plan to make an escape today. I'll try to stay up all night. I'll stay awake all day and night. When that door opens and the night watch comes in to change my date and restock my fridge, I'll hit them over the head and i'll run until i am out of this dump. Then, I'll get rid of her FOREVERRR. I allow time to pass just starring there at the wall. Then when ten o'clock hits, I "fall asleep" on the wall opposite the door. Around twelve midnight I hear some clicking at the door. I lay quietly with my eyes open. There is still clicking at the door that sounds like chains and locks and beeping codes. A man walks into the room and he grabs all my trash cans, replaces my towels, changes my date, and restocks my fridge. I am about to get up and make a run for it when i see him haul in a cart with a t.v. on it. Under the television is a VCR. I don't know what to think of this but i remain hidden opposite the door so my plan won't be busted.
Then minutes later and the figure leaves through the door, and I hear the clicking and beeping again.
I stay in that posistion lying awake the whole night. The morning sun comes and i decide to check what this t.v. and VCR is all about. I turn everything on and press PLAY. Then, there is a video, and it says:

HELLO ALEXA
THIS IS DR. PARLA. THIS VIDEO WAS DESIGNED FOR YOUR FIRST REAL WAKE UP. YES, THIS MEANS IT IS DAY 30. YOUR TRANSFORMATION SHOULD BE COMPLETE, AND RIGHT NOW ALANA SHOULD BE AWAY FOR A FEW HOURS. THE MEDICINE SHOULD HAVE GONE COMPLETELY THROUGH YOUR BODY AND PRIMED YOUR MIND FOR THE DELETION OF ITS EXTRA PERSONALITY ALANA. I KNOW YOU MAY BE A BIT CONFUSED, BUT RIGHT NOW YOU ARE IN A TESTING FACILITY FOR PERSONS WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES. I HAVE BEEN YOUR DR. FOR QUITE A FEW YEARS NOW. YOU CAME TO ME WHEN YOU SAW THE PEOPLE PROTESTING MY FACILITY. FOR YEARS WE HAVE BEEN TALKING. I HAVE SPOKEN TO BOTH YOU AND ALANA. SHE DOES NOT KNOW ABOUT THIS DELETION. THAT IS WHY WE HAD TO PLACE YOU IN THIS FACILITY. THAT WAY, SHE WON'T WISE UP AND RUN YOU AWAY LIKE LAST TIME. WE HAVE CONCLUDED THAT EVERY TIME YOU HAVE A MIGRAINE, YOUR ALTERNATE PERSONALITY, ALANA, COMES TO PLAY. NOW, THE PROCEDURE WAS THAT WE GAVE YOU A COCKTAIL OF DRUGS TO DO A FEW THINGS. ONE OF THEM WAS TO ERASE YOUR MEMORIES OF COMING TO THE FACILITY. ANOTHER WAS TO KEEP YOU ON A SLEEPING PATTERN THAT WOULD REDUCE ALANA'S OUTAGE. LASTLY, THERE WERE A FEW TO BALANCE OUT A FEW THINGS IN YOUR BRAIN. AFTER YOU HAVE WATCHED THIS VIDEO, WE NEED THE REASSURANCE THAT IT IS YOU. WHEN THE FILM IS DONE, GO OVER TO THE DOOR AND KNOCK TWICE HARD AND ONCE SOFT. AFTER THE GUARDS COME TO MOVE YOU OUT, THEY WILL TAKE YOU DOWN TO A LAB WHERE WE WILL FINALLY RID YOU OF YOUR SPLIT PERSONALITY ALANA. YOU WILL SUFFER NO LONGER.

That bitch! I knew he was up to no good. That's what he was trying to inject into my arms when he thought i was Alexa that time ago. He was trying to help get rid of me. i thought we were friends, and he wanted to help me and Alexa get along. But he BETRAYED me, and i'm actually glad that i killed him dead. I am glad he is lying on that bedroom floor, and i am glad that his dead body is stinking up the whole house. I become so hysterical that i began to cry. I NEVER CRY. i usually leave that up to Alexa. But i'm so hurt and so scared of my next move backfiring that i get a terrible migraine and i am fearful of what Alexa will do after we switch over and she see's this video. Right when i go to destroy the tape, i pass out on the couch right in front of the television. Damn.
I am again dazed at how i never remember laying down where i wake up. But most suprisingly, i see a big t.v. with a VCR. i feel i must be dreaming so i slap and pinch myself a few times. realizing that there is no dream, i turn it on and watch the tape that's inside the VCR. at first, i see and elderly man. OH MY GOD. it's the guy laying day on my bedroom floor. He's telling me all this stuff about why i am here, and about someone named Alana. At the end of the film he tells me to knock on the door in a special way. I make my way towards the door when i hear someone screaming "NOOOOO!"
At that instance my head starts hurting worse than ever before. Next thing i know I hear and see the same things, but i have no control over my body. and when i try to speak, i don't hear me speaking. instead, i hear someone who sounds like me but saying some horrible things.
oh my effin god. did i just force her to switch over? this is so effin sweet. thank you GOD.

what are you doing alana? knock on the door so they can come get me and get you out of me

what? are you crazy? i'm gonna knock for myself and get YOU out of ME. you've treated me like a monster our whole life and i just want to get rid of you. i want everyone to love me like they love you. and when you get home, everyone will think i'm you and i'll finally be loved.

this will never work alana. you can never be me. no one will ever love you like they love me. they hate you, always have, and always will.

ha! that's what you think. and that's why i will always be stronger than you. you always think ahead, and i make life fit my schedule. so, i say i'm getting out of here alive, then that's what's gonna happen. why do you think i forced you to transistion with me? simply, because i'm just plain old stronger than you. get over it babe

NOOOOO!!!!

o yeah baby.. o yeah.
so i most eagerly knock on that door. and i most eagerly take my ish and roll. all the while, alexa is still screaming for me to do the right thing, but we know that's not happening.
the guards come to move me out and they mention the horrible smell. i put on the fakest tears ever and i tell them that it was alana and i didn't know what to do. they bought the whole thing.
they took me down to a lab and strapped me in. the doctors did something and started telling me how i was gonna be a new person when this was all over. i laugh inside at alexa as she's still whining and crying not to make her go away. i hear her getting louder. just then it escapes out of my mouth.
"NOOO SHE'S NOT ALEXA. I'M ALEXA. SHE'S TRICKING YOU."
and i come right back with "NOOO SHE'S LYING. SHE'S NOT ALEXA. SHE'S ALANA AND SHE'S TRYING TO TRICK YOU.
we keep this going back and forth. FINALLY, i win this battle and the doctors inject me with something cool. i can hear Alexa's voice dwindling. i laugh at her on the insed because i know she can hear me. i tell her "this is what you wanted babe. sorry it's me and not you.. haha. you know i didn't mean that.
after a half hour, the doctors tell me i am all set and they are sorry for my loss of a dear friend. i think on the inside, "yeah, and i'm sorry for what i'm about to do."
right when i am putting on my jacket and grabbing my bags, i decide to do something to these bastards for helping me go through hell. right next to my suitcase is a pair of scapels. i pick it up and i stab those two devils in the jugular vein. then squeel and i laugh hysterically. as i am about to leave, i let them know of their mistake. proud of myself, i pimp walk my flyy self right on out those lab doors and continue on my journey back to central philadelphia with my crew. i feel like snatching a purse or two. those 5 crackers a day were not enough for this chick right here. this bad chick ALANA[♥]