My Dorney Experience FINAL DARFT

I lay in the water straining to pull up while the lifeguard yells " She didn't have a tube". This how I ended up like that. It all started with my uncle and I arguing about weather I should go down the water slide by my self or with him. " You can go by your self" said my uncle as I tried to beg him to go down the slide with me in a group tube. I thought because I was small that he would come down with me like the other families. He kept telling me that I could go by my self for about a couple more minutes until I gave up and finally went by my self.

As I flew down the slide as if I were a bird gliding free willingly in the air I closed my eyes and thought of what awaited me below. My eyes moved back and forth while I continued contemplating what would happen to me while I hit the water. I also wondered why my uncle made me go in the tube by my self. After a little moment of thinking to my self I let go of the handles of the tube. Soon after i hit the water.

I lay in the water straining to pull up while the lifeguard yells " She didn't have a tube". My petite five year old body was being pushed and pulled by the water's current. Underneath the pool my eyes was beginning to slightly crack open, as if it were someone trying to peek into a enclosed room. I can hear many people running and children giggling with their family and Friends. A minute has passed and I still hear the lifeguard yelling " She didn't have a tube". Then I heard my uncle yelling " You can stand". and " Stand up". When I didn't stand up after a minute or so he came and got me out the pool. While my uncle was picking me out the pool I spotted the lifeguard, whom you should know by now did not come and take me out. She was a young blond Caucasian in her early 20's.She wore a red one-piece bathing suit, as do all lifeguards. To this day I have a trouble with learning how to swim. In the back of my mind I believe a lifeguard or a swimming teacher would leave me in the pool if I were to drown.




1.Explain how the writer uses the first sentence or two to grab the reader’s attention. If the opening doesn’t grab your attention, give the writer a suggestion on how to do so. Maybe you should start with how you felt like saying a feel with sensory like "my heart screamed for Air " or something like that
2.What is your favorite line from the story? Why?
"My Petite Five Year od Body Was Being Pushed And Pulled By The Water's Current" It's A Good Description
3.Quote the section that contains the most vivid sensory details.
"Underneath the pool my eyes was beginning to slightly crack open, as if it were someone trying to peek into a enclosed room."
4.What section could be improved through more detailed description including sensory details?
what was you thinking under water how did you feel ? what did you think was gonna happen while you was under water.
5.Does the ending wrap up the story? kinda i think you need to add more details in the story .
6.What is clever and/or lively about the ending? What's Clever is when she said "In the back of my mind I belive a lifegaurd or a swimming teacher would leave me in the pool if I were to drown."