The time i was robbed and didn't know it (Final Draft)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Donte Polite
Leo Mullen
6th P.D.
3/3/08

Earlier in the day:As I stand here in a trance of amazement mainly shock and frustration I constantly wonder. I wonder many things first who would do this, what kind sick and greedy person could be capable of such a crime?

Current Time: I went home and as I walk into the house I look at the cable and I notice that it’s only 3:45. My brother is already home. I go and look at my bed and notice something very, very strange. My black somewhat tinted jar of money is laid out on my big king size bed and has been emptied completely except for a few cents. When I bought the jar I was told that it could hold up to 200.00 dollars in dimes and the jar was almost to the top. It was full of all sorts of coins not just dimes. Of course I know that I didn’t leave it like this. So I go back downstairs and tell my mom right after I’m done asking my brother if he “saw” my money. He replies no and my mom suggests that maybe I spent the money and maybe I forgot about it. I keep telling her that I didn’t spend it and even if I did I wouldn’t have left the jar laid out like that. I keep saying to her that if I would have spent it I wouldn’t have forgotten about that much money. I automatically think that my brother did it because he was the only one in the house before us and he never has money yet today he does have money. How is this? So I just sit and get even frustrated to the point where my head hurts. I tire myself out from being mad. I wake up several hours later and get in the shower, eat dinner, then go back to sleep. While I sleep the hours keep going on and the night turns to day. As time goes on I start to wake up and I here my mom asking my brother and sister have either of them seen her new radio, they reply no. so she asks me next I also tell her no. she goes back into her room. She notices that her windows are unlocked, which is odd because she locked them and never unlocked them. Then she goes to look at her cable box to get the time and notices that her DVD player is missing. We come to the conclusion that we have been robbed. She calls the cops and they come. She fills out the police report and they leave. Later I notice that my autographed eagles jersey is missing. We figured it had to be my uncle because he was the only one who knew the ins and outs of the house. And the windows could only be unlocked from inside, since we knew it wasn’t us we figured it had to be him because he was living with us until we put him out a few weeks ago. Some evidence that lead us to believe it was him was there was a letter addressed to him that came in the mail the other day and now it was missing. So that the time I was robbed and didn’t notice it till later.



george said...
1.Explain how the writer uses the first sentence or two to grab the reader’s attention. If the opening doesn’t grab your attention, give the writer a suggestion on how to do so.

The opening statement does grab my attention because he uses a technique that I’ve never seen

2.what is your favorite line from the story? Why?

My favorite part of the story is the opening because I like the way it was composed.

3.Quote the section that contains the most vivid sensory details.

As I stand here in a trance of amazement mainly shock and frustration I constantly wonder. I wonder many things first who would do this, what kind sick and greedy person could be capable of such a crime?

4.What section could be improved through more detailed description including sensory details?

I go and look at my bed and notice something very, very strange. My jar of money is laid out on my bed and has been emptied completely except for a few cents.Does the ending wrap up the story?

5.What is clever and/or lively about the ending?

The ending was particularly dull to me