Raven's Final Draft

The ground was wet and the air was hot. My dog was painting as I told him to go to the bathroom. I stood there waiting and suddenly I screamed, “No Gus-Gus No!"
As he stood in the bushes, peeing a man walked up and bumped into me. He said excuse me and kept on moving. I guess he didn't see my almost 200 lb. dog in the wild bushes because he turned around, walked back, and tried to get my phone number. Before we both knew it, Gus-Gus ran around the bush, the leash wrapped around my ankles and the big football playing man was running and screaming like a little girl. I had never let the leash go so I was right there behind him sliding on the ground. If I had let the leash go, Gus-Gus would not be alive today. I screamed and yelled for my dog to stop, but he did not. He kept on running and I was still sliding down the dirty sidewalk. After he realized he was carrying deadweight, he stopped and turned around. He walked to my end of the leash and licked my face and he pushed my head with his. I was furious.
After I had gotten up off the ground, I pulled his leash and dragged him in the house.
“Get in the house!” I screamed.
“ What's the problem?” My uncle asked.
Gus dragged me down the street chasing after some man!” I screamed.
"HA HA HA HA HA!" He laughed.
"UHHHHHH!" I screamed," Get on the porch”.
“Okay Raven, tell me what happened.” He said.
My dog cried as I kicked him out the house.
I told my uncle," I was told to walk the dog and let him pee."
“ Yes." he said.
“But that is not happened.” I answered.
I continued to tell him my story. As I talked, he laughed and laughed until he almost cried.
“You’re mad because of what?” he asked.
“I was dragged down the street by a dog chasing a man and because of the scar on my arm I will never be able to get a boyfriend!” I exclaimed.
"Raven hush”, he said“, now lets go cleanup your arm and you cannot be mad at Gus for protecting you."

Explain how the writer uses the first sentence or two to grab the reader’s attention. If the opening doesn’t grab your attention, give the writer a suggestion on how to do so.
1.What is your favorite line from the story? Why?
"after he realized he was carry dead weight"...its funny 2 me

2.Quote the section that contains the most vivid sensory details.
"the ground was wet and the air was hot"

3.What section could be improved through more detailed description including sensory details?
she could of describled her dog better

4.Does the ending wrap up the story?
no...its leaves kind of a cliff hanger

5.What is clever and/or lively about the ending?
It was an exciting ending