He we are, on this abandoned car in the back of an old deserted lot. Four raging beasts are circling around us nipping at our feet just barely missing us. The sound of the fierce roars and scraping of claws and teeth on metal made us cower in fear. Each jump towards us grew closer and closer when suddenly...
One day me and my main man Kendall were riding our bikes around the neighborhood. It was the beginning of spring so it was the first time we had ridden our bikes in a while. We decided to ride around the neighborhood for a while. We were enjoying the ride and the hilly street of Memphis was allowing us to pick up speed. After a while we started to look for thrills like intense slopes and downhill streets. After riding up and down the ramps on side walks for a while you start to get bored. Kendall mentioned that he knew a place were there were massive dirt hills as tall as buildings that we could go to. After taking a break we decided to head to beach street where the lot was. He said it was right along the Delaware River and we'd have to be careful of bums attacking us. But bums would be the least of our problems. After arriving at the lot we had to go on a mission just to get into it. We had to lift our bikes over a conrcete barrier and walk through tall grass. Once we got through this jungle of tall weeds and itchy, scratchy, bug infested grass we saw a huge hill it was at least 5 stories high. While we were trying to get up the hill it was to steep to ride up so we had to walk our bikes up it. When we finally got to the top we could see the whole lot and the river. We wasted no time in riding down this monstrosity. As we flew down this hill our hair flew back the back chains began to ring and we couldn't help not to scream while riding down. The hill was made of all dirt and if we needed to stop quickly we would be sure to be in a mess. When we reached the bottom we were still flying at great speeds. We turned and went around to the back of the hill where we found an abandoned car. This car peaked our interest so we decided to park our bikes and check it out. The car was stripped down of all useful parts and looked like it had been burned inside. Papers we scattered everywhere all burned and charred black to some extent. As we were examining our strange find, we suddenly heard a faint barking in the distance. When we looked up we saw a pack of pit bulls standing in the distant hill we had just come over. We were all trapped in a fearful stare when all of a sudden the dogs came darting towards us. We didn't have enough time to jump on our bikes and ride away and the only way to get out was where the dogs were coming in at. We hurriedly jumped onto the trunk of the car and then the hood. I don't know how we had jumped so high maybe it was the fear and adrenalin in us. But just as soon as we got on the car the dogs were right behind us barking and growling there teeth at us. The dogs then started to circle the car and jump up at us. The roof of the car had barely enough room for us to both be on it and having the dogs chomping at our feet didn't help us to stay on the roof either. the dogs each took turns jumping at the car and snapping at our feet with their teeth. Each jump grew closer and closer when suddenly...the dogs ran away. We were so confused but we didn't stop to think where they were going we just hurried and grabbed our bikes. We didn't want to go where the dogs had just went so we had to climb with our bikes up the bakes of the tall hill. We had to carry our bikes up an almost vertical hill without falling and doing it quickly in case the dogs came back. I could barely make it up i was struggling to hold my bike and Kendall had to help me with my bike a few times. About halfway up the hill we hear the soft sound of barking in the distance. We looked down and saw that even more dogs had come and were waiting at the bottom of this mountain we were climbing. That gave us the push to keep climbing without even stopping for a break. We finally reached the top and without wasting a second raced down the hill on our bike toward the jungle where we had come in. We didn't even stop our bikes fully to hop over the barrier because we heard the faint sound of barking and paws stamping towards us through the jungle of weeds. We wheeliedd our bike up and popped them up enough to throw them over the wall. We then jumped over ourselves. We then realized finally safe and could take our time in getting home. It had been a long day.
One day me and my main man Kendall were riding our bikes around the neighborhood. It was the beginning of spring so it was the first time we had ridden our bikes in a while. We decided to ride around the neighborhood for a while. We were enjoying the ride and the hilly street of Memphis was allowing us to pick up speed. After a while we started to look for thrills like intense slopes and downhill streets. After riding up and down the ramps on side walks for a while you start to get bored. Kendall mentioned that he knew a place were there were massive dirt hills as tall as buildings that we could go to. After taking a break we decided to head to beach street where the lot was. He said it was right along the Delaware River and we'd have to be careful of bums attacking us. But bums would be the least of our problems. After arriving at the lot we had to go on a mission just to get into it. We had to lift our bikes over a conrcete barrier and walk through tall grass. Once we got through this jungle of tall weeds and itchy, scratchy, bug infested grass we saw a huge hill it was at least 5 stories high. While we were trying to get up the hill it was to steep to ride up so we had to walk our bikes up it. When we finally got to the top we could see the whole lot and the river. We wasted no time in riding down this monstrosity. As we flew down this hill our hair flew back the back chains began to ring and we couldn't help not to scream while riding down. The hill was made of all dirt and if we needed to stop quickly we would be sure to be in a mess. When we reached the bottom we were still flying at great speeds. We turned and went around to the back of the hill where we found an abandoned car. This car peaked our interest so we decided to park our bikes and check it out. The car was stripped down of all useful parts and looked like it had been burned inside. Papers we scattered everywhere all burned and charred black to some extent. As we were examining our strange find, we suddenly heard a faint barking in the distance. When we looked up we saw a pack of pit bulls standing in the distant hill we had just come over. We were all trapped in a fearful stare when all of a sudden the dogs came darting towards us. We didn't have enough time to jump on our bikes and ride away and the only way to get out was where the dogs were coming in at. We hurriedly jumped onto the trunk of the car and then the hood. I don't know how we had jumped so high maybe it was the fear and adrenalin in us. But just as soon as we got on the car the dogs were right behind us barking and growling there teeth at us. The dogs then started to circle the car and jump up at us. The roof of the car had barely enough room for us to both be on it and having the dogs chomping at our feet didn't help us to stay on the roof either. the dogs each took turns jumping at the car and snapping at our feet with their teeth. Each jump grew closer and closer when suddenly...the dogs ran away. We were so confused but we didn't stop to think where they were going we just hurried and grabbed our bikes. We didn't want to go where the dogs had just went so we had to climb with our bikes up the bakes of the tall hill. We had to carry our bikes up an almost vertical hill without falling and doing it quickly in case the dogs came back. I could barely make it up i was struggling to hold my bike and Kendall had to help me with my bike a few times. About halfway up the hill we hear the soft sound of barking in the distance. We looked down and saw that even more dogs had come and were waiting at the bottom of this mountain we were climbing. That gave us the push to keep climbing without even stopping for a break. We finally reached the top and without wasting a second raced down the hill on our bike toward the jungle where we had come in. We didn't even stop our bikes fully to hop over the barrier because we heard the faint sound of barking and paws stamping towards us through the jungle of weeds. We wheeliedd our bike up and popped them up enough to throw them over the wall. We then jumped over ourselves. We then realized finally safe and could take our time in getting home. It had been a long day.
2 comments:
Explain how the writer uses the first sentence or two to grab the reader’s attention. If the opening doesn’t grab your attention, give the writer a suggestion on how to do so.the first sentence isnt to good in my opinion but the second sentence i think is amazing.
What is your favorite line from the story? Why?four raging beast are circling around us nipping at our feet just barely missing us. i like this line because i can feel him panicing because they were just barely missing your feet.
Quote the section that contains the most vivid sensory details.The car was stripped down of all useful parts and looked like it had been burned inside. Papers we scattered everywhere all burned and charred black to some extent.
What section could be improved through more detailed description including sensory details?you couldve explained more about this jungle you speak of. how high was the grass? were there a lot of trees around? stuff like that
Does the ending wrap up the story?yes it does wrap it up
What is clever and/or lively about the ending?the way you explained about how you were struggling up the hill and you really had gotten a boost of energy when you heard the dogs coming back was very clever like you could almost say we gotta hurry up or well get eaten
Explain how the writer uses the first sentence or two to grab the reader’s attention. If the opening doesn’t grab your attention, give the writer a suggestion on how to do so.the first sentence isnt to good in my opinion but the second sentence i think is amazing.
What is your favorite line from the story? Why?four raging beast are circling around us nipping at our feet just barely missing us. i like this line because i can feel him panicing because they were just barely missing your feet.
Quote the section that contains the most vivid sensory details.The car was stripped down of all useful parts and looked like it had been burned inside. Papers we scattered everywhere all burned and charred black to some extent.
What section could be improved through more detailed description including sensory details?you couldve explained more about this jungle you speak of. how high was the grass? were there a lot of trees around? stuff like that
Does the ending wrap up the story?yes it does wrap it up
What is clever and/or lively about the ending?the way you explained about how you were struggling up the hill and you really had gotten a boost of energy when you heard the dogs coming back was very clever like you could almost say we gotta hurry up or well get eaten
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