On one furiously hot summer day, me and my home boys were starting to get bored of sitting on the step and getting all sticky with sweat. We wanted to go swimming or relax in the comfort of air conditioning but none of us had a pool and we didnt want to sit inside. None of us had money for water balloons either. When all of us were about to give in to the scorching heat, we had found a football just laying under the car. We decided to go play a game football at the schoolyard. when we got there the field was kind of rugid and dry but we didnt care we still played. We started by just playing two hand touch. then we started playing tackle fpptball which was intense. i was playing a good game so far but i was worried of getting plowed down by one of my older friends. the next play the ball as handed off to me. I was running it down the side of the feild and it was starting to get a little rocky and and the grass was fading. then the person on the other team came running right toward me and tackled my legs. i flipped in the air like an acrobat and landed on my head and shoulder. i felt my bone crack and i could see it stabbing out of the skin a little. i then had to walk home and tell my parents. i had broken my collar bone!! when it healed the first thing i did was play football.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ryan rowan said...
Does this opening interest you? Explain. If it does not, suggest a way to make it better.this is a good opening but it wasnt that descriptive
What do you think the narrative will be about? i think the narrative will be about patrick playin football(even though i know what its about)
Summarize the narrative in one or two sentences.patrick and his friends were really bored one dayand it was really hot. so he decided to play football and something bad happened.
Finish this statement: Things I liked best were… that he used good sensory details towards the middle and end of the story.
Complete this statement: Things I would like to know more about were…
that he didnt explain things very well.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment