Tuesday, February 26, 2008
That Song
Rico opened his phone and tried to call his brother Macho. I thought to myself " why is he doing this?" I knew why he wouldn't get an answer. But the reason he wouldn't get an answer made me cry. It started off as a normal day in our lives. Go to school, come home, and hang out. Most of these days were fairly boring unless we find something to do. However, this day we couldn't find anything to do. So I put on some music and started my homework. As we sat there, Rico started to think about a song. I asked him what songand he said he didn't know so i started guessing and got it right. It was "How To Save A Life" by The Fray. I thought to myself " what a stupid song!" He told me that it makes him think about how messed up this world is. So we sat there in silence and listened. I saw a tear come to his eye and that is when he opened his phone and tried to call his dead brother Macho That is when he broke down which made me cry. Then I began to think about my grandfather which made it worse. Because of this day, this song is one of the best songs I ever heared and because of this day, I will never listen to that song again.
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4 comments:
Ryan's first sentence really didn't GRAB my attention, but the next few sentences after that pulled me in.
My favorite sentence in Ryan's narrative is, "He told me that it makes him think about how messed up this world is." I chose this because it is true.
Sorry, but there were no sentences that containted vivid sensory details.
I think Ryan could include more sensory details to how boring the school day was, what in the song made him cry, and the situation with Rico's brother (unless it's too personal). Also, he could explain WHY thinking about his grandpa might make him cry, readers might not infer. (UNLESS IT'S TOO PERSONAL)
This ending wraps up the story in the way it finaizes something. It finalizes that he will NEVER listen to "That Song", again.
I don't really think the ending was lively or clever, but overall I say that the story was very nice.
he starts off with a statement that draws you in by not giving you as much of an explanation on what is happening so it makes you want to find out what is going on.
when ryan says "But the reason he wouldn't get an answer made me cry." is my favorite line because it makes my wonder why it makes him so sad and its a good line.
ryan didnt have sencory details in his story.
i think when he was crying with rico he could of said they were weeping softly of something.
yes the ending wrapped up they story.
he said how good something was but he would never listen to the song again no matter how good it was.
Explain how the writer uses the first sentence or two to grab the reader’s attention. If the opening doesn’t grab your attention, give the writer a suggestion on how to do so.
What is your favorite line from the story? Why?
Quote the section that contains the most vivid sensory details.
What section could be improved through more detailed description including sensory details?
Does the ending wrap up the story?
What is clever and/or lively about the ending?
Ryan's first sentence kind of grabbed me because i did not know what I should expect.And besides; it is RYAN.!his writing is good.
My favorite sentence is "Because of this day, this song is one of the best songs I ever heared and because of this day, I will never listen to that song again.".it was ironic and made me think hard.
The sensory details aren't very very strong but the one that says they sat in silence and listened made me feel like i could actually SEE them and feel what he meant.
I think the fact that ryan didn't include too many sensory details whaich adds to the depth of it.
but he could of described how emotional he was unless it would have gotten too personal.
The ending wraps up in a good way =].i can't explain it but i really liked it.
I don't know if it was lively or clever,but it was very good.
good job ryan.
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