Final Draft

Donte Polite
2/8/2008
Leo Mullen
6th P.D.

As I stand in a daze I start to think back, to may 30th, 1998. Today is April 22; 2006.Many people are arriving to this magnificent occasion. Piñata is shattered and I stand alone and confused. I am looking at all these strange looking people. Many of them are family and my mom’s friends, who are completely taller than me. I look at them and it’s as if they are all 11 feet tall. Of course I could be over exaggerating. As the day goes on I start think more about this day and I remember it was May 30, 1998 I was turning five years old. There was the smell of the food all through the air and the house. The smells ranged from fried chicken to seasoned fried shrimp. I was listening to rev run and the song that was playing was “Mind on the Road”, and at one point I thought this was heaven because everything was going great and everyone was just so happy. Later we all went into the backyard to break the piñata. From what I saw my mother buy at the store I thought that there were snickers, skittles, starburst, and many other delicious candies in the piñata. I was first since it was my birthday and my party. As I swung at the piñata the only thing I could hear was smack……smack…….smack. The piñata was so colorful and I just couldn’t wait to break it open so I could those other delicious colored flavored treats out. Sadly I didn’t get to break open my piñata. This meant that I had to sit and watch everyone else take whacks at my piñata, the one I was suppose to crack open. Of course every kid wants to crack open their piñata on their birthday. So I made my self a promise and it was from this day forward I would be the one to break the piñata so I could always have this wonderful important feeling. After the piñata was broke open and the candy was gone we went back inside to cut the cake. So that how I am here now in this picture with my mom holding me and assisting me to cut my cake.

1. Does this opening interest you? Explain. If it does not, suggest a way to make it better.the opening does not interest me. he needs to add more action. like ,"the pinata shatered!"

2. What do you think the narrative will be about?
i think it will be entertaining

3. Summarize the narrative in one or two sentences.
a kid recalls exciting events happening on his birthday.

4. Finish this statement: Things I liked best were…
the description of the smells

5. Complete this statement: Things I would like to know more about were…
the people who were there and what were they like