Thursday, February 28, 2008

The Day Adiva lost her pride

How did this happen? I asked myself.As I was on the floor of the family dollar.Are you okay my aunt asked quickly. But I could not answer her the only thing I could do was look and try to evaulte the situation. My dad ran to my side " are you okay" he asked. I have must had hit my head because it was hurting so bad. All I could see was the boxes of coco cripes next to me and peoples feet next to mine. My sister made an attempt to help me up but my aunt would not let her. Being the con she was telling me even if I was not hurt to stay on the floor. She wispered fantasies of us sueing the store to get alot of money to me but I had gotten up anyway.I did not want to stay on the floor and be humilated.As I got up people started to clap.That is when you know are truley pittied when people give you an applause for doing an everyday task like getting up. I was a special kid in a class full of the most intellgent people in the world. I hate to show any t ype of emotion in public let alone fall. It was one of the most embrassing things that could happen to a young teen. First of all to be seen in a dollar store and to be with your family( if that is not the wrost thing). But this is how I lost I pride. It was a pleasently sunny day. I was wearing my new light blue jeans and a pretty somewhat low cut red shirt. I was pretty confident that day, I thought I looked hot and my family was comming to visit me. I was not really happy to see them.I don't really like my little cousins. They would always get on me about my weight but I was older now and more mature, their little comments didn't get to me come on I'm 14 years old I'm basicly grown. They are like ten years old they are babies compared to me. When my family finally arrived there was no words they looked at me like I was a allien. My aunt was speech less. "you sure have grown up Adiva " my aunt mentioned. "thanks" I said. She could not stop looking at my shirt and telling my father to watch me closely and to have "the talk" with me. " Paul boys now-a-days will do anything or say anything to get it" she stated. I laughed in my mind knowing that my father has no boys to worry about but girls that is a different story. Anyway in the mist of talking my aunt came up with a brillant idea to go to the dollar store to get some items for her pupies some little toys nothing big, just somthing to keep them busy( yes she brought her pupies). So we all piled up in the car dogs and all. And headed to the dollar store. When we got there we all splited up to find something for the pups. I being the angry rebelous teen I am , decided not to do anything but look around the store and text my friends well my girlfriend. My family was finished finding what they were looking for, my aunt my dad and I went to the check out line. My cousins,
being the little mencies , opened a bottle of cream soda and spilled. Me not paying attention and texting, sliped on the spilled soda. Everything in that moment slowed down it happened just like in the movies. I could see peoples mouths opening up and looking with sear fear. I could see a little white woman saying oh snapes. BAM a big sound of thunder came down with her words. My body came down with all the force and gravity in the world. All the fat in my body jiggled for at least two whole mintues.My poor clothes were wet and sticky from the cream soda and Icried inside. I wanted to die.I was no longer a strong angry teen I have been reduced to a child looking for help. From that day I never went into another dollar store in that area ever again.

1 comment:

Jessica said...

Explain how the writer uses the first sentence or two to grab the reader’s attention. If the opening doesn’t grab your attention, give the writer a suggestion on how to do so.
The opening grabs my attention very well because it makes you wonder what she was doing on the floor of "Family Dollar".

What is your favorite line from the story? Why?

I think my favorite line would have to be when she describes how her body fat is jiggling for a good two minutes because it is funny and you can almost see it in your head.
Quote the section that contains the most vivid sensory details.

There isn't really a section that has sensory details because she didn't describe as much as she could have.
What section could be improved through more detailed description including sensory details?

Well, she could add more sensory details throughout the whole story.
Does the ending wrap up the story?

The ending does pretty much wrap up the story.
What is clever and/or lively about the ending?

The lively part about the ending is how she describes that she fell. lol