Can you imagine what it is like to be a nine year old girl riding a rollercoaster for the very first time I can. This is my story. As I waited in line to ride " The Lochness Monster" at the Busch Gardens park in Williamsburg, VA my heart began to pound faster and louder than a man playing the drums. Thump, Thump, Thump it went until the ride was over. I was more afraid than a young girl who was afraid of the darkness. I wasn't afraid because I thought I was going to fall or anything, but I was afraid that I was going to vomit on the person sitting next to me( I got and still get motion sick).
As I took my seat I began to thinking " what I'm I getting my self into". The cart began to move and creak. While the cart moved faster I began to shiver as if I had a syndrome. The person next to me told me that everything was going to be ok, but knowing me I did not listen. My heart beat faster every time the cart went down a hill.
After the ride I realized that it really wasn't a big deal. The ride did have loops and twists but they weren't as long as most rollercoasters. The thing that was a big deal was that the conducters were taking pictures of the people who were on the ride. My pictrue did not come out so great because I had my head down as if I was throwing up
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1. Does this opening interest you? Explain. If it does not, suggest a way to make it better.
Actually not really i think you should try to set the setting first or actually say something off topic that relates to the story . and then come in to the story .
2. What do you think the narrative will be about?
i think it will be about her on the roller coaster and getting sick .
3. Summarize the narrative in one or two sentences.
she kinda got over her fears if roller coasters and she wasn't as scared anymore but she got sick on the roller coaster .
4. Finish this statement: Things I liked best were…
how you described ya heart and how is was racing .
5. Complete this statement: Things I would like to know more about were… describe more of how you feel before your on the roller coaster . put much more description and details . what did you think really was gonna happen ? where did the fears come from ?
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