Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Final Draft!!! Aquil McIntyre
I was speeding up Germantown avenue, on my my miniture mortorcycle, hopeing I wouldnt hit a pot hole and flip off the bike. When I had seen the pot hole up ahead, I slowed down and tried to get back on the pavement. When I tried to get back on the pavement, my tire got stuck on the trolly tracks and the bike flipped over. Since I didnt have on a helmet, I realized what kind of danger my life was in. When people saw me fall of the bike they pulled over, and helped me up. When I got home, I had told my dad what had happen and he took me to the hospitall. We were in waiting in the hospital for almost two hours before I was seen by the doctor. Before i left the hospitall the doctor had given me some pain medication for my sprained ankle. When we arrived home i went striaght up to my room, and thanked god for not letting me get hurt any worst than I did.
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Does this opening interest you? Explain. If it does not, suggest a way to make it better.
Yes it does interest me me. I said this because Aquil,s opening sentnce starts off with him speeding down the street. im saying this makes me wonder if he runnin from someone or racing someone.
What do you think the narrative will be about?
I thought his personal narrative was about him racing down his way with his friends on his dirt bike.
Summarize the narrative in one or two sentences.
Well aquil,s narrative is all about him riding his ike and he rides over the trolley tracks and falls off. Then he goes to the hospital to see if anything is broken.
Finish this statement: Things I liked best were
Things i liked best were that in the opening of this story if you picure it this opening starts out fast and cazy.
Complete this statement: Things I would like to know more about were.
The things i would like to know more are how fast were you going when you crashed and how dramatic did the crash look in your perspective. Like were you on the ground for aminute or was your bike still ridin while u were down stuff like that
This was written by Devante Gray
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